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Big E.

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hsfiywedfhsagvkj. [17 May 2006|01:32pm]
[ mood | depressed. ]

sunday was the worst day of my life.
i finally told thomas how i felt and we ended up breaking up.
every time i think of how he looked, utterly devestated, i can't help crying.
we are so different, though.
completely different.
music, politics, religous stuff, even literature and art.
we never agree on any of it.
he likes rap, i hate it. i like rock, he hates it. i'm agnostic. he's christian. i hate bush/republicans/politics in general. he is republican who actually talked his mother into voting for our current rediculous president. i'm a pacifist. he's got an anger problem. i love to read. he hasn't ever read anything he wasn't forced to @ school. i'm going to UC this fall. he's not at all interested in going to college or even getting another job besides the asphalt one he's got. jeeeeezus.
but i really can't help missing him.
or feeling like i made the biggest mistake of my life.
i know what he's going through, because i've been through it so many times.
i'd rather be struck over the head with a very hard, blunt object repeatedly than go through one second of heartbreak.
concussions, brain damage, and hemmorages would be better than the hell i'm putting him through.
i dunno. i suck at this sort of thing.
sometimes i wish i just wouldn't care about everyone else's feelings.
because i rarely ever focus on my own.
but it's hard to think about me when i can't get his tear-stained faace out of my mind.
or even to sleep.

i can't wait to get the hell of of this school.
fuck hartley.

2 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

im in love with my english teacher. [03 May 2006|12:51pm]
[ mood | happee ]

i love it when mr. ryan quotes incubus and the doors, then goes on to ask the class who is actually a virgin still.
he is definitely my favorite teacher ever.
plus, he's a hippie. gotta love hippies.
especially with long hair and burkenstocks.
i'm actually in a good mood for once.
i had a long talk with garrett last night,
and i was finally able to get some stuff off my chest that's been killing me recently.
i feel a lot better about the situation, although it still hurts.
we only have 16 days left of high school.
16 muthafucking days.
fucks yeeeeeeeah.


1 sweet nothing - you've been whispering.

fuuuuuuuuuck [28 Apr 2006|12:33pm]
[ mood | devestated. ]

my new therapist told me that i'm incredibly passive-aggressive.
which, i guess, is true.
all this shit that has been building up because of the whole thomas/garrett thing is gonna come out sometime. &it's not gonna be pretty.

i'm in english class right now, and we're talking about love. and all that bullshit.
&i'm about to explode.

life sucks ass recently.
a certain someone has completely ruined it.
and a certain someone else has made every school day complete agony.
i hate relationships and how bad i suck at them.
i hate how there are no second chances.
i hate my life.
for now, at least.

3 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

deargod. [10 Apr 2006|09:59am]
[ mood | uneasy. ]


last friday, i came home from school to find my parents both @ home.
that's wierd, cuz usually they're @ work.
they sat me down, told me since they were moving to lancaster, they needed to get their financial issues in order, so i had TWO DAYS to decide on a college.
i was speechless.
they knew this has been killing me for the past year.
i had no idea how to decide.
so on sunday, i picked two out of the eight schools i got accepted to, and flipped a coin.
cincinnati won.
so i sent in my admission confirmation, honors program acceptance, and scholarship acceptance forms.
they have the best design program in the nation, so i guess it makes sense.
but i can't help feeling uneasy.
i can't believe i had to decide my future like that.

kill me?

1 sweet nothing - you've been whispering.

pointless. [09 Apr 2006|04:38pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

no prom for me.
nobody wants to go with me anyways.

eh. oh well.

i need to start my government paper.


you've been whispering.

fuckshitbitch. [31 Mar 2006|12:32pm]
[ mood | blah. ]

my family moved my g-ma into assisted living today.
i HATE those places.
&if my kids do that to me, i'll fucking kill them.
i want to visit her, but jeezus, it's so depressing.
i dunno.

fuck it.

we bought hookahville tickets last night.
that's gonna be fun.
that's about all i have to look forward to right now.
plus bonnaroo, if we win those tickets.
(which isn't very likely)
oh, &of course, GRADUATION.
i hate, hate, HATE this school.

5 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

yeeeeeeah [29 Mar 2006|12:12pm]
[ mood | happee ]

Which Musical Artist Are You?

this quiz was made by Selena

well, duh...
2 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

[26 Mar 2006|12:26pm]
[ mood | bored. ]

i don't think i'll ever grow up.
i'm so immature it's not funny.
i'm sick of stupid shit. and stupid people.
but i don't think i'll ever change.


i haven't been to a show in quite some time.
someone should tell me when there's a good one.
i don't ever wanna drink again.
saturday was the most boring day of my life.
& it looks like today is gonna be a repeat.

you've been whispering.

[15 Mar 2006|02:33pm]
i'm gonna be a certified pilot.

you've been whispering.

[12 Mar 2006|11:47am]
[ mood | passive ]

i feel wierd.
lately i've been indifferent to everything.
college, work, friends, my guitar, etc.
life, basically.
yesterday was a nice change.
saw a lot of people i haven't seen in awhile.
one being incredibly awkward...
oh well.
but carissa's baby is adorable.
& i'm really happee for her.
thomas took me to rising park.
it's amazing at night.
we just sat, our feet hanging over the edge, mokin.
it was the best feeling in the world.
i wanna be a recluse. & live in some small town like lancaster.
AWAY from all this shit.
fuck everyone. i'm starting over.
i'm sick of being dissatisfied with life.

wish me luck.

2 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

[03 Mar 2006|02:22pm]
[ mood | eh. ]

today i was thinking.
i was thinking about college.
why do they expect us to make such an important decision at such an impressionable, immature, and confusing point in our lives?
i'm so afriad i'm gonna hate where i go, what i do, etc.
i was thinking about my g-ma, too.
she's insane.
i know i joke about it all the time, but in truth, it's depressing.
i can't believe she's the same person that used to teach me how to play the piano and pick me up from school when it was raining or cold so i didn't have to walk.
my family is falling apart because of it. especially my mom. and there's nothing i can do about it.
yesterday i got a box full of stuff g-ma "left me."
but she's not dead yet.
in it, there were some pictures, a doll i used to play with, and grandpa's old ukelele.
it was sad. i wasn't ready for that.

on a happier note;
i got my hair cut.
& it looks really good, even though i told my hairdresser not to give me bangs, and she did anyways.
she's lucky as fuck that i like it.
now a-me calls me "bangs." she's a whore.
i guess it's better than juandice.


3 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

killme. [14 Feb 2006|01:56pm]
[ mood | grah!#@$%% ]

so i'm sick of this shit.

i'm sick of complaining all the time. just like i'm doing now.
i'm sick of making excuses.
i'm sick of rationalizing all the stupid shit i do, just to convince myself it's right.
i'm sick of failing, even though i try.
I'm sick of having no friends.
i'm sick of being confused about life in general.
i'm sick of relationships.
i'm sick of being rediculously happy one minute, then incredibly depressed the next. maybe i'm bipolar.
i'm sick of being ignored, even when i directly ask someone something.
i'm sick of being walked all over.
i'm sick of having a job, yet somehow never having money.
i'm sick of never seeing courtnee anymore.
i'm sick of listening to everyone bitch about everything.
i'm sick of being a hypocrite.
i'm sick of not doing anything with my life.
i'm sick of not being able to help.
i'm sick of my family and their expectations.
i'm sick of having no reason to be broken hearted still. but i am.
i'm sick of not having a life.

pretty much, i'm about ready to give up.

4 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

die. [01 Feb 2006|10:58am]
[ mood | shit. ]


i'm sick of not having any friends.

a-me is probably the only person right now i can call my "friend."
god. now that i think about it i didn't really have that many friends in the first place.
so i should've been upset about this earlier, i guess.

i'm going through something, which is probably one of the hardest things i've ever had to go through, and no one's there.
i'm scared out of my mind. and it's like no one cares.
if a-me or thomas weren't here, i'd probably be in some sort of mental institution.

maybe there's something wrong with my head.


1 sweet nothing - you've been whispering.

[12 Jan 2006|07:27pm]
[ mood | wierd. ]

ich habe eine kaninchen.

1 sweet nothing - you've been whispering.

gay. [09 Jan 2006|02:37pm]
fucking douchebag reynoldsburg cops.

yesterday i got pulled over for "reckless driving" and i had to take a DUI test, which was incredibly easy to pass except for when he told me to say the ABC's backwards. i was 100% sober and that part was really difficult.
so AFTER he put me through that, he gave me the breathalizer thingy. i told him to do that in the first place. it came up 0.0 like i knew it would. then he interrogated me for like 30 minutes about where i had been and where i was going. i think the fatassmotherfucker was just bored.


2 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

again. [14 Dec 2005|12:35pm]
[ mood | content. ]

so i never write in this thing. but i'm writing in it now. so i guess it doesn't matter.

these past 3 months have been the best of my life. i fell in love. with thomas michael christy. & i've never actually been in love before. i mean, i've thought i was in love before, but i've never felt like this. i feel changed. i feel complete. i'm actually happy for once. it's an incredibly powerful emotion.

last week I got an acceptance letter to ohio dominican. their art program offers most of their art classes at CCAD, so I’m pretty happy about that. i still want to actually go to CCAD, but my portfolio isn’t quite ready. so ODU is my second choice. i knew i’d get in there, just cuz i’m that sweet, but it was nice to get the letter.

in other news,
the last time i tripped, i had a sharpie in my hand and i just kept drawing and couldn't stop. i remember the music felt like it was pulsing through me, the beat was in perfect rhythm with my heart, and i couldn't really remember where or who i was. but anyways, the next morning i looked at the pictures i drew and every one of them had the phrase "for now everything seems right" hidden in random places.

it’s true. everything does seem right.

for now, at least.

3 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

i'd rather burn out than fade away. [12 Sep 2005|02:10pm]
[ mood | shitty. ]

Take the quiz: "what kind of drug are you? (includes pictures)"

you are weed.you are laid back, ralaxed and outgoing.
well, duh...but how can someone be relaxed and outgoing @ the same time?

i don't write in this thing anymore.
and i really don't care.

right now, i think i wanna die. mainly because i'm in physics. i hate physics.
and last period was the worst latin class i've ever had to sit through.

uh...me and garrett = broken up.
it doesn't seem to phase him. at all.
thomas is an amazing guy.
he walked all the way to anthony-thomas to buy me gummy bears while i was at work.
i went to hookahville with him, too.
jeeeeeeeeeeeezus that was a fucking crazy weekend.

[i would say something in "retaliation" here because of something someone else said, but livejournal drama is retarded. so grow up, retard.]

i apologize, i'm in a horrible mood.


4 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

neat. [10 Aug 2005|09:06pm]
[ mood | boredasfuck. ]

i got a job.
@ Papa Murphy's Pizza.

uh. that's all.

1 sweet nothing - you've been whispering.

I HATE SLAM DANCERS. [10 Aug 2005|12:17am]
[ mood | tired. ]

so. here's a conversation i had today with a-me that pretty much sums up this entire entry:
Me: "Umm, do you remember this summer at all?"
A-me: (silence as she ponders, a confused and bewildered look upon her face)
Me: "Yeah, i know, me either."

i hardly ever write in this thing anymore cuz this summer's been so damn crazy.
it's just a blur of shows and parties and garrett and, awkwardly enough, notre dame architecture camp.
last week i went to the shout out louds, ozzfest, and zz top.
the shout out louds were sweet, ozzfest was scene dress-up day with courtnee (andalsoheatstrokeday), and zz top had a lot of drunken&dancing hicks that were fun to laugh at.
i've seen like 1636215317239 other bands this summer that were sweet, but i can't think of most of their names.
& i've noticed a tremendous increase in the popularity of slam dancing. ew. fuckers.
i HATE that shit.

oh, and like 3 days ago i had to pay a $5 toll to logan so he would let N8 out of a ditch. lol. that's the THIRD time this summer i've had to pay to get someone out of some awkward place.

a lot of shit has been going on. too much to write about.
and i really don't remember more than half of it.
so, in conclusion;
this summer has been awesome, but it seems like more of a long weekend than a summer.
slam dancers should just kill themselves. fucking idiots.
garrett is AMAZING beyond words,
& i refuse to pay a toll to get my friends out of a phone booth, tanning bed, ditch, or any other rediculous place for at least another 3 months.

6 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

i don't even know where to start. [25 Jul 2005|11:47pm]
[ mood | exhausted. ]

last night was probably one of the craziest/funniest/suckiest nights of my life.
so much shit happened, way too much to write. but here's the jist:
went to a-me's house & watched house of 1000 corpses.
then me and morgan got the bright fucking idea to go swimming at about 3 AM. a-me doesn't have a pool. so we went around the neighborhood looking for swimming pools to use. no luck.
then we drove around looking for more pools, but morgan found change in my car so we decided to buy shaving cream and write all over jon's car.
so we went to walgreen's. god, that was halarious. ask me about it.
anyways, we got the shaving cream & wrote random shit all over jon's car. ifeelbadaboutthatnow.
then we drove around looking for someone else's house, but we got kinda lost.
we turned around in a church, wheremorgandidsomethingthatinsuredsheisgoingstraighttohell, & some guy in a maroon SUV followed us after we turned out of the parking lot.
he was on my ass all the way back to a-me's.
we sprinted inside because we were so fucking freaked out, and the guy left.
a-me was asleep when we got inside, so we wrote all over her with marker. this took about 25 minutes. she woke up & asked the time. it was 4:30. keep that in mind.
about a half hour later, someone started POUNDING on the front door. of course, it was the cops.
apparently, the maroon SUV guy was an undercover cop who saw my car out earlier that night and followed us because we were driving around aimlessly & "being suspicious." fucking bullshit.
the officers told us that someone called the cops a while after maroonSUVguy scared the shit out of us, and they reported that someone had put shaving cream all over their car & they wanted to file charges.
we thought it was jon's parents who called the cops, because that was the only house we went to.
we "took a ride" in the back of the police car, and he brought us to a house i'd never even seen before.
i guess someone else had the same bright fucking idea to put shaving cream all over that person's car, too.
& since we already admitted to doing that to jon's car, it looked like we did that one, and we were SCREWED.
the woman that owned the car ended up being a RJHS teacher. she was a fucking BITCH. she made us wash her car from top to bottom, even though there was only a little shaving cream on the top and under the door handles.
oh god, it took every ounce of strength in me not to burst out laughing while i was washing that car...it was about 5 or so in the morning, and me and morgan were being forced to scrub a shitty ass car by 2 cops, a bitchy middle-aged woman, and her gross daughter who strikingly resembled a whale. on top of that, we didn't do anything at all.
then we had to apologize to bitchface and shamou, and ask them to drop the charges.
bitchface goes, "Because of the grace of God, and out of the kindness of my heart, i will drop the charges against you. I hope you learned a lesson, girls."
that pissed me off ALOT, because god had nothing to do with it and she had NO kindness in her heart, plus we just had to wash her goddamn car to get the charges dropped. and i didn't fucking learn a lesson because i didn't fucking do it. PLUS, she told the cop that the whole thing happened at 4:30. we were drawing on a-me at 4:30. it couldn't have been us.
but the cops didn't believe us, bitchface sure as hell didn't, and whalecunt needs to lose some weight. gross ass bitch.
i was forced to call my parents, who had already been informed in-person by an officer @ 5 AM. so they were pretty pissed. lol.
anyways, this is getting really long. so i'll stop.

in conclusion;
it was a fucking insane night.
i really need sleep.
i'm fucking GROUNDED. lol.
i HATE cops, junior high teachers, fatwhores, etc.

9 sweet nothings - you've been whispering.

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